Real Writing

"The emergence of web services and service oriented architecture (SOA), combined with powerful business process analysis (BPA) and enterprise architecture (EA) modeling capabilities connects you to a world of opportunities. By aligning strategy, business and technology, your enterprise has the ability to know more, move faster, work more efficiently, and achieve true visibility, flexibility and agility."

What?

That little gem is part of a marketing piece designed to convince you to purchase their product…or service…or technology…or something.

Silly me, I thought writing was all about communication! I just had a conversation with Andrew about just that. He was making a thank you card for a friend who gave him an Easter gift. More and more often he wants to write independently by sounding out words (Yay!!). He conversationally informed me that "Linda" would know that "LD" was her name. I explained, in not so many words, that if you want to communicate you have to use a language that you AND your audience understands. So he added N and A to come up with LNDA. Good enough (for now).
Now Proforma, on the other hand, would like you to know that their "…integrated enterprise modeling solutions enable effective visual collaboration for Business and IT, empowering the agile enterprise."

What? (As my brother-in-law would say, "that’s a buncha $1.50 words in 50 cent sentence"—or something like that!)

Perhaps I’m not the intended audience for this particular piece of business literature, although with my latest business idea I am having a bit of trouble visualizing effective collaboration between customers and invoices. But in business, isn’t the bottom-line the bottom-line? If they desiderate to inveigle the highest aggregation of CWWs (customers with wallets), would it not be propitious to communicate to the largest possible congregation of potential adherents to their proffered divulgence?

Seems to me they’d get more bang for their buck with a fifty-cent sentence.